Clowns on Ice
by BookWriter2014
Summary: It's almost midnight on Christmas Eve and Joker and Harley have planned a delightfully evil plan for Batman; but things don't go quite as planned and they need a quick escape; there's just one problem, Joker can't skate, and the floors are covered in ice.


**Clowns on Ice**

Tonight's plan was going to be perfect. Joker had made sure of that; he had set up nearly three dozen snow man bombs around the Grand Hotel's corridors, along with several Santa TVs so he could give Bats hints(Of course!), and had even managed to dress all of his henchmen up like elves and reindeer. Now the only thing left to do was to ice the place.

"Puddin!" Harley Quinn, dressed up in a red and black, knee length elf dress with a reindeer antler hat on her head came bouncing into the Penthouse of the hotel where Joker was comfortably sitting at the dining table going over any last minute changes to his plan.

"What?" he snapped irritably. Joker leaned back in his chair and rubbed his temples, there was something he was forgetting, but he couldn't figure out what it was.

"I broke into Mr. Freezes' place and stole his dear ice princess," Harley laughed, she shoved the ice criminal's ice gun into Joker's waiting hands, a pleased look on her face, "Aren't yah pleased Puddin?"

Joker laughed, and stood up, stroking the side of the gun, before he slipped it into his jacket pocket since it was very small. "Baby, Tonight we're going to have a Bat on ice!" he said gleefully.

Harley squealed, "I've already iced the floors Mr. J," she said, clasping her hands together, "I'd like to see ole Bats try and walk on that!"

Unfortunately, Batman, having defeated Mr. Freeze several times, had already figured out how to deal with iced floors, and even had his Ice boots on that gave him traction on the ice, and was already in the main lobby of the hotel. A few minutes later, he had found Joker and Harley.

"Where's the mayor Joker?" Batman snarled when he had pinned the other man against the wall. Joker placed his hands on Batman's arms, just below his elbows, when the hero lifted him off the ground, trying to get an answer out of the hysterically laughing clown.

"Looking for this?" Harley's high pitched voice demanded.

Joker flopped to the floor after Batman turned around.

Harley had dressed the mayor, who was a very big fat man with curly black hair, and dark eyes, in a Santa costume, and was currently tied to a chair.

Batman dove at Harley, who merely grabbed her giant hammer from the closet where she and the mayor had previously been hidden and whacked it at Batman.

Batman ducked, avoiding the blow, but was hit by Harley foot, as she kicked it at his face. Batman grabbed the Hammer's stick, forcing Harley to let go, but then she simply did a back flip away from where the Mayor was tied up; Batman followed her, trying to take her down.

"Beep! Beep! Beep!" A digital clock that had been set on the table started blaring, letting everyone know that it was midnight; today was Christmas day was here.

Joker chuckled to himself, wiping the blood of his face from where Batman had punched him in the nose. The Clown prince of crime stood up, and glanced lazily over to where his arch nemesis was fighting his girlfriend.

"Sorry Bats, I still haven't given the mayor his present, and believe me, it'll be explosive," Joker sniggered as he swaggered over to where the mayor was still tied up. He grabbed hold of the back of the chair and began to drag both it and the mayor out of the room, only stopping at the door when he thought something.

Joker let go of the mayor's chair, and reached into his suit jacket to pull of Mr. Freeze's ice gun, and aimed it at Batman's legs, "I just remembered, I have a present for you too Bats!" he cackled as he pressed down on the trigger.

The freeze caught Batman, encasing his legs in ice, along with Harley's feet. Both struggled, luckily for Harley, she had ice skates and began hacking away at the ice encasing her feet with their blades.

Still laughing hysterically, Joker placed the ice gun back into his suit pocket, grabbed the back of the mayor's chair and dragged the man out into the hall, only to instantly slip and fall on the icy floor, banging his head against the mayor's chair, which tilted it to the side, and in turn knocked the fat man out.

With a soft groan, Joker looked around him in dismay, it seemed his girlfriend had done too good of a job at icing down the floors. The whole hallway looked like an ice-rink. No wonder Batman didn't have hardly any trouble beating his henchmen.

"Harley!" he shouted furiously, though his girlfriend was still in the other room, probably still trying to free herself.

"Yah Mr. J?" Harley slid out into the hall, her ice skates on her feet.

"You were only supposed to ice the lower floors!" he roared at her, "How the hell are we supposed to escape or take the mayor to his Christmas present!" He stood up again, and took a step forward, only to fall on his face, further emphasizing his point.

Harley skated back over to the penthouse entrance and leaned in, before she skated over to her boyfriend and dropped a pair of ice skates in his lap when he'd sat up.

"We skate," she said as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. Leaving Joker to disdainfully pull the skates over his feet, after he'd pulled off his shoes, Harley skated over to the mayor and frowned in disappointment.

"Aw nuts!" she said unhappily, hands on her knees as she leaned over the mayor's unconscious form, "He's out cold!"

Suddenly she smiled and laughed at her own joke, "I get it, cold cause it's icy!"

Joker threw one of his shoes at her, hitting her in the back, "Only I get to make jokes around here!" he snarled.

"Yes Mr. J," Harley said, completely unfazed by his show of violence. She skated back over to her boyfriend, and gripped his arm with both hands to help him to his feet once he'd gotten the ice skates on.

"Alright, let's go!" she squealed happily, letting go of his arm to move forward with swift strides, graceful strides.

Joker moved forward, but just like last time, he slipped and fell on his butt, cursing in fury. Harley made it look so easy!

His girlfriend turned around, and frowned, raising an eyebrow at her boyfriend, "What's wrong Puddin? Can't you Ice skate?"

Joker pushed himself to his feet, only to slip again, this time landing on his stomach with a loud oomph.

He pushed himself up onto his elbows, scowling, "Of course I can skate Harley!" he spat, not wanting her to know that he had never used Ice skates before, let alone had actually skated.

Harley watched him fail twice more before she skated over to him, leaning down to grab hold of his arm with both of hands. Joker grudgingly let her help him to his feet.

Almost instantly he wobbled, and was about to slip, when she wrapped a firm arm around his waist, his only anchor that kept him from falling again.

"Here Puddin," she said, looking up at him, love gleaming in her sapphire blue eyes, "Let me teach you."

Joker swallowed his pride and nodded, "Fine," he snapped, "Just hurry up so we can get out of here before Bats breaks his present".

"Ok," she said excitedly, "Follow my lead". Carefully, she removed her arm from around his waist and moved herself so that she was standing in front of him.

Then she took his hands in hers, "Ok, when you skate, you slide your feet forward one at a time, so you can't just step off the ice if you're a beginner," she instructed.

Joker sniffed, "Everyone knows that".

Harley nodded, and indulged him by not saying anything to bruise his precious ego.

"Ok, here we go," she told him, and automatically began slowly skating backwards, her hands still gripping his.

Panic flared in Joker's emerald eyes, but then he did as Harley had instructed and to his relief, he didn't fall, though he was still quite wobbly.

Harley led him down the hall, towards the iced over stairs, which now resembled more of a slide than anything, and slowly gained more speed as her boyfriend gained confidence with the ice skates.

"See, I told you I could skate," Joker said proudly the moment she let go of his hands to let him skate on his own.

Harley giggled, knowing that he didn't realize that they were both about to skate down the stair turned slide.

While Harley glided down the ice slide with ease, Joker fell on his butt and slid down, but the moment he came to a stop by slamming into the lobby desk, he began to laugh.

Harley skated over to him, helping him back up.

"We should put a pair of these skates on Pengy and push him down an ice slide to see if he really is a Penguin," Joker snickered, throwing his arm around Harley's shoulder, partly for balance and partly out of affection for the one person who was crazy enough to put up with him.

"Should we go get the mayor?" Harley asked, but a moment after she asked, they both heard Batman shout Joker's name at the top of his lungs.

"Oops, time to go!" Joker said, and hurriedly took off his skates, Harley coping him.

Batman suddenly appeared at the top of the ice slide, running at full speed towards them on his own ice shoes, but unfortunately for him, he didn't remember the slide, and a split second later, when flying down it.

"Bye Bats! Happy Holidays!" Joker crowed as he and Harley ran out of the hotel, and towards their getaway car, which had pulled up with one of Joker's henchmen driving it.

Batman stared at them, his head throbbing from where he'd hit it on the way down the ice slide; in a moment he would go back up like the way he had the first time to get the mayor, but first he shook his head in disbelief, and muttered, "Clowns on ice, who'd have thought?"

 _Since its December, I thought I would start writing a few holiday themed one-shot stories. Anyway, this was my first ever Joker/Harley story so I sure hope you guys liked it, I know I had fun writing it. Any tips on how to better my Joker/Harley stories would be appreciated, thanks!_


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